watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
