You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
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