Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
