I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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