plz talk dirty to me
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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