I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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