and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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