Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
