I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
