she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
