apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
