His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
