Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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