i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
