I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
