why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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