I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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