Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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