Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
