that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
