Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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