HIV tests are more positive than that guy
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
