Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
now i know why i became what i already was.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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