I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
