Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize