I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize