he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
