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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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