I wish I could punch you in the face.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
