On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
