I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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