I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
YAS. BRING CRAB.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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