yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
