He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
