So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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