Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
