Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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