dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
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