can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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