I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
