Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
