my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize