Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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