I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
