I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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