If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
