I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
