Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
