Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
