This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
