I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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