In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize