Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
