Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
