It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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