i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
