well you can't waste a boner
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
