Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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