what if every blade of grass was a penis?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
