There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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