Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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