I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
