We named our party play list daddy issues
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
