at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
