last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
