What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
