you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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