T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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