so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
