I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
