just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
