It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
