I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
