i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
