I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
