"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
