How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
