goodnight i made you a song goodbye
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
