Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
