Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
