Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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