I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize