Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
