her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
