She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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