the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He? As in you personified your dick?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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