saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i love accidental penises.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
