I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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