I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Randomize
