haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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