I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
