Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
How's work?
Spinning.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
