if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
