but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize