Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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