covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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