Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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