I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize