i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Randomize
