Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
