So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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