its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
