to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
