i just google imaged poop.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
