i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Two words: blizzard sex
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
