People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Randomize
