i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
