if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
