Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
