mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
